Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics…We Are More

As a Canadian watching the opening ceremonies to the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, there was much to be proud of.  The term mosaic indeed seems apt in capturing Canada’s amazing breadth and depth of beauty and spirit within it geography, terrain, peoples and culture.   At the same time, there is a delicate and humble authenticity in defining what it is to be Canadian particularly in terms of our patriotism.   For me, Shane Koyczan’s poem, We Are More, recited near the end of the event seemed a perfect encapsulation of the unassuming pride I feel to be Canadian citizen of this great country that I am blessed to call home.  With that, I leave you with the transcript of the poem to read at your leisure, and reflect upon what it means to you…

 

We Are More

by Shane Koyczan

When defining Canada

you might list some statistics

you might mention our tallest building

or biggest lake

you might shake a tree in the fall

and call a red leaf Canada

you might rattle off some celebrities

might mention Buffy Sainte-Marie

might even mention the fact that we’ve got a few

Barenaked Ladies

or that we made these crazy things

like zippers

electric cars

and washing machines

when defining Canada

it seems the world’s anthem has been

” been there done that”

and maybe that’s where we used to be at

it’s true

we’ve done and we’ve been

we’ve seen

all the great themes get swallowed up by the machine

and turned into theme parks

but when defining Canada

don’t forget to mention that we have set sparks

we are not just fishing stories

about the one that got away

we do more than sit around and say “eh?”

and yes

we are the home of the Rocket and the Great One

who inspired little number nines

and little number ninety-nines

but we’re more than just hockey and fishing lines

off of the rocky coast of the Maritimes

and some say what defines us

is something as simple as please and thank you

and as for you’re welcome

well we say that too

but we are more

than genteel or civilized

we are an idea in the process

of being realized

we are young

we are cultures strung together

then woven into a tapestry

and the design

is what makes us more

than the sum total of our history

we are an experiment going right for a change

with influences that range from a to zed

and yes we say zed instead of zee

we are the colours of Chinatown and the coffee of Little Italy

we dream so big that there are those

who would call our ambition an industry

because we are more than sticky maple syrup and clean snow

we do more than grow wheat and brew beer

we are vineyards of good year after good year

we reforest what we clear

because we believe in generations beyond our own

knowing now that so many of us

have grown past what used to be

we can stand here today

filled with all the hope people have

when they say things like “someday”

someday we’ll be great

someday we’ll be this

or that

someday we’ll be at a point

when someday was yesterday

and all of our aspirations will pay the way

for those who on that day

look towards tomorrow

and still they say someday

we will reach the goals we set

and we will get interest on our inspiration

because we are more than a nation of whale watchers and lumberjacks

more than backpacks and hiking trails

we are hammers and nails building bridges

towards those who are willing to walk across

we are the lost-and-found for all those who might find themselves at a loss

we are not the see-through gloss or glamour

of those who clamour for the failings of others

we are fathers brothers sisters and mothers

uncles and nephews aunts and nieces

we are cousins

we are found missing puzzle pieces

we are families with room at the table for newcomers

we are more than summers and winters

more than on and off seasons

we are the reasons people have for wanting to stay

because we are more than what we say or do

we live to get past what we go through

and learn who we are

we are students

students who study the studiousness of studying

so we know what as well as why

we don’t have all the answers

but we try

and the effort is what makes us more

we don’t all know what it is in life we’re looking for

so keep exploring

go far and wide

or go inside but go deep

go deep

as if James Cameron was filming a sequel to The Abyss

and suddenly there was this location scout

trying to figure some way out

to get inside you

because you’ve been through hell and high water

and you went deep

keep exploring

because we are more

than a laundry list of things to do and places to see

we are more than hills to ski

or countryside ponds to skate

we are the abandoned hesitation of all those who can’t wait

we are first-rate greasy-spoon diners and healthy-living cafes

a country that is all the ways you choose to live

a land that can give you variety

because we are choices

we are millions upon millions of voices shouting

” keep exploring… we are more”

we are the surprise the world has in store for you

it’s true

Canada is the “what” in “what’s new?”

so don’t say “been there done that”

unless you’ve sat on the sidewalk

while chalk artists draw still lifes

on the concrete of a kid in the street

beatboxing to Neil Young for fun

don’t say you’ve been there done that

unless you’ve been here doing it

let this country be your first-aid kit

for all the times you get sick of the same old same old

let us be the story told to your friends

and when that story ends

leave chapters for the next time you’ll come back

next time pack for all the things

you didn’t pack for the first time

but don’t let your luggage define your travels

each life unravels differently

and experiences are what make up

the colours of our tapestry

we are the true north

strong and free

and what’s more

is that we didn’t just say it

we made it be.

The Trust Intention Continuum

Recently a colleague wrote a blog post titled “What is Trust?” in attempting the answer the question of whether or not it ethical to gain people’s trust so as to promote yourself or businesses.  Not an easy question to answer that’s for sure.  He wisely pointed out that is comes back to intent to which I would agree in principle.  However, even this is open to interpretation; that is,  what looks like for each of us that largely depends on our unique perspectives in defining intent.   A person or business may believe their marketing, persuading, influencing, and perhaps even imposing their opinion and products on others as “helping” people. 

I see this as a continuum. One end is relatively passive and well-intentioned with the offer and provision of assistance. This pull type approach is about holding people as able and meeting people where they are at. It involves asking questions and responding appropriately with. It’s about care-giving and desire for respect, understanding, and empowerment of others based on abundance and love. The other end is aggressive and even ill-intentioned forced intrusion of help. This push approach is about holding people as unable and need to be told where they are at or what is good for them. It involves hidden agendas, duplicity, and manipulation of facts, features and benefits about products or services. It’s about care-taking and the need for power and control for self based on scarcity and fear.

Along the continuum lie is a wide variety of behaviours acted out depending on one’s beliefs, expectations, assumptions, concerns and hopes. These in turn are driven by underlying instinctive needs to acquire, bond with others, comprehend and defend for fairness in the world that surrounds us. In the end, like many aspects of our human existence, it has many shades of grey and very little black and white.

What does trust and intent look like for you?

Intuition or Reason?

 

“The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery; the only real valuable thing is intuition.” - Albert Einstein

Intuition is defined as the faculty of attaining cognition “without evident rational thought and inference.”  Increasingly, this intuitive “ability to foresee” is being assessed as a valuable skill necessary to be an effective leader.  Even with a plethora of available rational data , leaders use their intuitive sense to “find the meaning in data” to complement or supplement their decision-making capability. 

Malcolm Gladwell explores intuitive thinking and decision making in his bestselling book ”Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking,” Backed by extensive research, “Blink” illustrates how people form “very quick judgments based on very little information” that are “every bit as good as decisions made cautiously and deliberately.”  The ability to do this lies in a part of our brain called the “adaptive unconscious” where a great deal of high level thinking, data and learning is quickly processed and stored.

In Primal Leadership, Daniel Goleman et. al., the author frequently credited for bringing emotional intelligence into the mainstream, refers to this process as “silent learning”   This is because neurologically, the brain constantly and unconsciously registers and stores lessons along with associated emotions as to what works and doesn’t work during experiences.  Then when a similar situation occurs, our brain unconsciously pulls information from the past and informs us through a compelling sense or feeling of either right or wrong within our gut. 

However, both Gladwell and Goleman don’t advocate for the sole reliance on adaptive or unconscious intuition.  It is better to use with other kinds of data because of the potential for “other interests and emotions and sentiments” to influence intuitive feelings.   Senge supports this notion of integrating reason and intuition as part of using every available resource to develop the discipline of “personal mastery.”   According to Senge, studies show leaders “rely heavily on their intuition,” combined with other data, to identify patterns and parallels “to other seemingly disparate situations.”  

The premise of learning and strengthening intuition with practice correlates with my own experiences.   Like most of us, I spent most of my formative years and life developing my cognitive rational abilities.  Why?  Because this is the more socially accepted and valued of the two abilities.   I routinely ignored my intuition because it conflicted with others that valued rational data and thinking.  Often the consequences or outcomes were less than desired, either to myself or the situation.  While these situations were difficult, they taught me valuable lessons that led me to consciously practice listening to my intuition.   Like all skill development, I realized the more I practiced it, the stronger and more frequent my intuition became - it self-perpetuates.  At times the strength and frequency of intuitive hits is somewhat unsettling.   The remedy is surrendering control – sitting with it without judgement or attempt to change it.  By letting it be what it is and go wherever it leads, it shows whether it is true or simply a bias acting out.  In other words, not only do intuitive abilities strengthen, but so does the ability to sort out truth from fiction.  

The inevitable by-product of this growing intuitive abilities is a growing confidence in who I am as a person.  I believe that intuitive judgment is a real andtrue rather than some mysterious power.  It is the result of the unconscious and conscious, experiencial learning, courage to follow ethicalconvictions and surrender to spiritual guidance.  Finally, I believe to solve the increasingly  complex challenges facing today’s world, our effectiveness as people and leaders requires embracing and engaging all that we are - the power and intelligence of our conscious left-brained voice of reason and our unconscious right-brained, spiritually connected intuition.  

   References 

 

1. Gladwell, Malcolm. Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking. New York: Little, Brown and Company, 2005. http://www.gladwell.com/blink/index.html
2. Goleman, Daniel, Social Intelligence, New York: Bantam Book Random House, 2006. http://www.danielgoleman.info/blog / 
3. Goleman, Daniel, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee. Primal Leadership. Boston: Harvard Business School Press, 2002.
4. Laseter, Tim, Matthias Hild, The Power of Plausibility Theory, Many Worlds website, www.manyworlds.com
5. Merriam Webster OnLine, http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=intuition 
6. Royal Roads University. Lt 566 Leadership in Organization Course Notes. Victoria: Royal Roads University, 2005. http://www.royalroads.ca
7. Senge, Peter M. The Fifth Discipline; the Art and Practice of the Learning Organization. New York: Currency Doubleday, 1990. http://www.presencing.com/People/Peter.html
8. Spears, Larry C. “On Character and Servant-Leadership: Ten Characteristics of Effective, Caring Leaders.”   The Greenleaf Center for Servant-Leadership Website, http://www.greenleaf.org/leadership/read-about-it/Servant-Leadership-Articles-Book-Reviews.html 

 

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modern day snake oil

Recently I was sent an invitation to attend a fund raising event for breast cancer featuring wildly successful author of the ‘Chicken Soup’ series, Jack Canfield.  While it is a good cause, and the opportunity to network is enticing, I am no longer a fan of motivational gurus – aka success snake oil salesmen - such as Jack Canfield.    For me, the value proposition of listening to someone who has become rich selling ‘the secret’ to getting rich and being happy easily with minimal effort is simply not significant  enough to pay $275.00 for a ticket. 

Don’t get me wrong, I respect his motivational speaking abilities and fully commend his role in spreading the message about being the best you can be.   There was a time when I was a big fan of Jack Canfield and others like him.  I bought their books, I went to see them speak and even considered shelling out $3495 for one of his success seminars.  I have spent much of my life searching for the magic answer to success, wealth and happiness from such sources.   Then I had a two crucial insights - one that many of you I imagine may say, ‘ – of course – what else is new!   

The first was that they are not they are not saying anything new.  It is the same thing they have been saying for years, just wrapped up in a new book jacket.   In truth, it is not anything new since the time of Socrates, Lao Tzu or any of the other ancient master philosophers.    The second related insight was that they weren’t telling me anything I hadn’t already learned or knew.    I am in total awe of the business and marketing savvy to build a multimillion $ enterprise on an illusion.  That illusion - anti up a good chunk of change and you will receive the magic answer – the silver bullet – to easily and effortlessly become fabulously successful and rich too.   Sometimes I wish I had the chutzpah to mass market perpetuation of the myth that health, happiness and wealth is an easy 10 step program. 

Then I think….if its that simple, how come everyone in the world isn’t fabulously healthy, wealthy and happy?  Oh yea, I forgot…actually changing and putting things in to action is always much harder than talking about it.   Furthermore, success is not totally in our control as motivational speakers need you to believe so that they can get you to buy their books and listen to them speak.   Success is much more complex than we have been led to believe.   Malcom Gladwell’s book Outliers does a good job of explaining how success is a group project predicated on the “contributions of lots of different people and lots of different circumstances” - ”culture and community and family and generation“¹ as much as their own efforts.    Oh yes, Gladwell is credible – an award winning journalist who does extensive research providing facts to back up his discovery of something new.   Him, I would pay to see.  Not so much the motivational speaker/ modern day snake oil salesmen selling success snake oil - a secret magical recipe that has no power at all.

In the end, what I now know for sure  is that the most precious thing I have is time.   Life is a temporary condition and time is a true fixed non-renewable resource.  Every moment gone can never again be recovered.  I think I will invest my time and money into action to make my own success.   I’m not totally sure what that success will trun out to be or look like given my knowledge and circumstances, but I figure I’m already a winner by not spending $3495 for Jack Canfield’s success snake oil.      

1 & 2  What is Outlier’s About, Gladwell.com,  http://www.gladwell.com/outliers/index.html

Social and Ecological Intelligence

Read Are You a Socially Intelligent Leader? for a succinct overview of the importance of social Intelligence.  For more read Social Intelligence and the Biology of Leadership by Daniel Goleman and Richard Boyatz in the September 2008 Harvard Business Review.   Visit http://www.morethansound.net./ for more from Daniel Goleman and other leaders in emerging fields that are crucial to our time about ideas that deepen our understanding of the human experience.  You can also watch Daniel Golemen discuss his book “Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships” as a part of the Authors@Google series.   

Daniel Goleman’s newest work Ecological Intelligence may seem a bit of a divergence, but it is certainly relative and critical to ours and our world’s future.  It  ”reveals the hidden environmental consequences of what we make and buy, and shows how new market forces can drive the essential changes we all must make to save our planet.”  Read exerpt from the book.  Also, find out why Time Magazine listed it as one of ’10 Ideas Changing the World Right Now’ .

the brain, leadership and change

If you want leading edge research and implications about how the brain works, check out the offical site for the emerging NeuroLeadership field, The Global Neuroleadership Summit .   What is Neuro Leadership you ask?   It is a new field of study fo­­cused on bringing neuroscientific knowledge into the area of leadership development, management training, education, consulting and coaching.  David Rock, author of Quiet Leadership , Six Steps to Transforming Performance at Work and Founder/CEO of Results Coaching Systems, is one of the key people leading the charge to marketing and promoting Neuroleadership worldwide.  Good on ya David! 

Hear interview with David Rock on NeuroLeadership and the Global NeuroLeadership Summits. Learn how to apply the latest in neuroscience to the art of coaching and leadership Brain-Based Coaching and Leadership.  Listen to why change is so hard from a physical perspective from the teleseminar Insights about the brain that change everything.   Learn about companies that brought in and built a coaching culture report significantly reduced staff turnover, increased productivity, greater happiness and satisfaction at work.

And just to keep things a little in balance, here is a healthy dose of skepticism on the value of Neuroleadership….Is Neuroleadership More Than Reinventing Wheels?

Relationships

Relationships are difficult.  If I could make them work otherwise, I would prefer not to think, feel and engage in the ‘hard’ conversations that are a given within relationships.  But I have played the avoid game for all my life and it really hasn’t worked so well.  It still resulted in loss, disappointment and hurt.   So I am ready to do it different.  I am willing and able to stand up and fight for those relationships that are important to me.  Enough so to have those tough love conversations with people that I value, care for and want in my life. 

 In addition to great joy, the nature of relationships is that disappointment and hurt will occur.  Yes, even good  ones and especially with those we are closest and most intimate with.  I am not sure where the belief, expectation or assumption came from that hurt and disappointment are not part of healthy relationships.  I know for me I certainly held this belief for most of my life.  The truth is that having a healthy relationship means there will be some level of differences, conflict, disappointments and even hurt.   To believe and behave otherwise is incredibly naive, unrealistic, and just plain false.  A relationship is a third entity occurring between two unique individuals with their own perceptions, beliefs, expectations, assumptions, concerns and hopes.  While people can be, think and/or behave similarly, the truth is each of is us is and thinks uniquely.  As result of our unique attributes and thoughts, how we behave plays out very differently in living life.

 I know too that the hurt I feel is not only for myself, but for both parties in the relationship and the relationship itself.  I realize the emotions – hurt, anger, disappointment, etc – I feel are equal or even more directed at myself than the other person. It is a feeling that I failed the other person, myself, we, by not being able to make it work. And when I say work, I don’t mean in the context that everything is blissfully happy forever without conflict or even disappointment. Rather that we experience, share, express and move through the full range of living and relationship – the ups/joy and the downs/disappointment and yes even hurt – together.

I find the drama of the stories I make up and obsessively roll around in my mind is always way worse than expressing and processing pain.    While it is never easy, I have found through experience by feeling the hurt and facing my fears, my pain and anxiety is processed, normalized and cleared.  I equate the process one goes through in the stages of grieving:

• Denial: Example – “I feel fine.”; “This can’t be happening, not to me!”
• Anger: Example – “Why me? It’s not fair!” “NO! NO! How can this happen!”
• Bargaining: Example – “I’ll do anything to make it different? “If you just give me a chance, I can and will change to make it work.”
• Depression: Example – “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “Relationships are too hard so what’s the point of trying.”
• Acceptance: Example – “It’s going to be OK.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well learn and do it differnt.”

So given this, what are the options for living a full life with satisfying relationships?  We can choose to isolate ourselves and thereby eliminate relationships with others and any risk of being hurt as result of our differences.  While this is an option, it goes against the nature of being human.  We are social beings meant to bond with others.  Anthropologically speaking, bonding and relationships is an instinctual drive, interwoven into our DNA, necessary for our survival as species.  If it were not, man would have been extinct millions of years ago. 

As I move in and out of the grieving phases for relationship disappointments and loss, I realize we don’t move through the phases linearly as one might expect.    Instead it is back and forth with ever lessening intensity and landing in acceptance more frequently and for longer duration of time.  So as difficult it is to experience the first go around, it is a step forward in the process of letting go.  I hope the same for you out there choosing to make your best effort to have authentic relationships in your life.   Remember to be gentle, forgiving and loving with yourself and others, celebrating the small victories in process of doing so.  As I have said before, learning to do life is an evolution, not a revolution.

Time and Change and Free Won’t

Time and change are two words we hear a lot in our lives.   With time, there never seems to be enough of it or the quality of it poor.    With change, it seems the opposite is true – it is happening everywhere with everything all the time and we wish it would stop.   That said, time and change have a great deal in common.  Both time and change are constants that we no ability to control and both can result in the same feelings of being rushed, overwhelmed and stressed.  

So the next question is given that we can’t increase time or stop change, what can we do to help ourselves maneuver the turbulence and stress created by the uncontrollable constants?

My own experiences have taught me that the answer lies how I respond to the limitations and challenges presented by time and change.  And how I respond is about making choices.   Choosing carefully how I spend my time and who I spend it with.    Choosing my response to change.   Accepting those things I can’t change, courageously taking action for those things I can and using the wisdom I have learned or am given to know the difference.   

Integral to the process of choosing is exercising ‘free won’t’ as much, or perhaps more, than ’free will’.    I recently learned more about ‘free won’t’ and how to effectively use it during recent coach training from Results Coaching Systems (www.workplacecoaching.com).   Free won’t is our ‘veto power’, the time it takes for our mind to determine how we are going to respond to the consciously registered desire to move.  It is about 0.3 of seconds out of a 0.6-0.7 second time between thought and action.   I use free won’t as a 0.3 second opportunity to tell myself to “STOP”, take a deep breath and choose to give myself more time to think about and decide how I will respond.   I am amazed how effective it can be to simply tell myself the word ‘STOP’ outloud as a means to interrupt my impulse to react.  Having discovered this I now use the same tool to give myself more time in my decision making.  The result – better choices and less stress. 

With this in mind my questions out to the world are:

How do you respond to the pressures from time and change?

What and how can you do things differently?

What areas of your life can you exercise ‘free won’t  to free up time and make change easier?

What other techniques and tools have you found to help with managing time and change better?

Hello World

 

“Always do the thing you fear the most.  Courage is an acquired taste, like cavier.”
- Erica Jong           

 Well I am finally taking the plunge and starting my own blog.  I have been resistant to doing so even though I have known about and read many others for years.  So I ask myself what is my resistance to doing this about?  One thing I have learned about myself over the years is that answers to such questions are usually the result of fear.  So the real question is what are the fears that have been holding me back from writing a blog?

A few answers come to me as I ponder this question.  Fear of nothing worthy to say.  Fear of exposing my thoughts to the world.  Fear that no one will read it.  Fear that if others do read it, they will disagree or worse reject me.  Fear of being or perceived by others as inadequate in some way.   All those old self-sabatoging thoughts come rushing back …”Who do I think I am to think I am worthy enough to… whatever?”

Then I remember how I gathered the courage for overcoming other events I feared in my life.  Reflecting on these occurances, I recall how doing so I was able to realize significant personal and professional growth.  This is not to say it was all smooth as soon as faced fear and took action.  There were challenges making it very difficult at times.   I made mistakes and I have not always been accepted or liked by others.   And this was okay too because through adversity I learned even more, gained confidence and was able to help others more.  Funny how that works. 

So with this in mind, I embark on this new experience of starting a blog to share my thoughts and experiences with whomever wishes to partake.  And who knows, maybe along the way what is written resonates, imparts some wisdom or give permission to others do the same.  Let the adventure begin.

“We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? …playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you …We are all meant to shine…And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”  - Marianne Williamson       

 

Post Script…Intuition or Reason?

Through a series of synchronous events, I happened across this article called ‘Right Brain Meets Left Brain: Applying Intuition to Business’ on The Banff Centre Leadership Development Library that is related and surprising aligned with my own thoughts on the topic of value of intuition.  In this article, Bill Overend succinctly outlines the growing evidence supporting not only the value of developing and using our intuition, but its necessity given the increasingly complex and fast paced nature of our world today.  The volume of available information coming at us everyday from multiple means and ways is growing exponentially.  The expectations for innovation and pressure to succeed are higher than ever before in our history.  These circumstances demand that engaging all of the power of our brain with our intuition playing a more important role and key success factor not less.  While the whole article is insightful, the heart of its message is how using intuition can help organizations today…

In his Harvard Business Review article “The Fall and Rise of Strategic Planning,” McGill’s Henry Mintzberg made a compelling case for the use of intuition in strategy development. Mintzberg believes use of intuition in “strategic thinking” can deliver more relevant results than lengthy analytical planning exercises, particularly in the synthesis of information.

Better hiring decisions, staff motivation, increasing sales, assessing partnerships, predicting industry trends, as well as gaining vital and valuable insight into yourself and your associates are all business benefits ascribed to intuition.

Particularly worth examining is intuition’s relationship with innovation. Incorporating aspects of intuition into organizational development may help avoid the pitfalls of “data paralysis” in corporate life – and encourage a culture of innovation and calculated risk taking. Writes Tesolin: “Organizations don’t innovate, people do … the future is all about unleashing innovation and invention capacity to dream and then create … move a concept from the unimaginable to the conceivable and finally to the created.” The “guesses,” hunches,” and “gut feelings” of intuition may well be what separates “the innovators from the managers that follow their leaders.”

I find this all quite interesting and affirming considering I have felt like a ‘duck out of water’ most of my life.  I have frequently experienced the inner conflict of my right-brained intuitive sense telling me thing while the largely left-brained linear-thinking world dismissed this as nonsense and demanding rationalfacts.  Finally…intuition is gaining the credibility it deserves as a valuable component of human thinking and being.  INTUITION ROCKS!

Evolution

As usual, I woke this morning reflecting on recent events in my life and what I have learned as a result.  Today’s theme was around change and personal growth.  I found myself asking those age old often rhetorical questions… What exactly goes on during change?  Why is it difficult and seem to happen so slowly?  Is there anything I could or would do differently to make it easier and occur quicker?  And of course I landed on that common human condition called 20-20 hindsight, “…if I only knew then what I know now.”   

I recall an article some years ago by Martha Beck called ‘Growing Wings’ in which she equates human transformation with the metamorphosis of a catapillar to a butterfly.   Martha suggests that that people go through 4 phases of metamorphosis at various stages in life and after any major catalyst such as getting or loosing a job, marriage, divorce, having children or when they leave home, etc.  And that how one manages these changes depends on the particular phase being experienced; Dissolving, Imagining, Re-forming, and Flying.

I found her explanation of the Dissolving Phase particularly insightful as she describes it as being a “time when we lose our identity and are left temporarily formless: person soup.”   Who of us can’t relate to that feeling?  I know I can.  That feeling where it seems our world as we know it is coming apart; losing all that is known and comfortable.  Martha Beck equates it to feeling like what death might be and in a way it is because ”it’s the demise of the person you’ve been.”  Read full article Here 

I am pondering this as I find myself in another period of change in my life.  It is not the first, nor do I anticipate it to be the last.  Looking back at my past occurances of significant change, I see and am thankful for the gifts realized through overcoming adversity.  Even though I sometimes wish it could have been easier, I know it was the difficulty of the experience that resulted in the deep change within.  While this involved some letting go - dissolving – of some previously held beliefs, I see it more as an evolution than a metamorphic revolution. 

Generally, evolution is defined as the gradual development of something into a more complex and better form.  In biology, it is a natural or artificially induced process by which new and different organisms develop as a result of changes in genetic material.   Theoretically, it is the proposed process by which all species developed from earlier forms of life through natural selection, i.e. natural variation in the genetic material favoring survival and reproduction to eventually give rise over generations to a population possessing the favorable traits.    Metaphorically, personal evolution involves modifications, sometimes small and sometimes large, built upong the foundational fabric of who we are as person to morph into who we are today.  As for who we will be in the future, this depends on the selection of choices made in response to given stimulus – positive and negative.

Transitions

Transition is defined as a process or period in which something undergoes a change and passes from one state, stage, form, or activity to another.  Reflecting on the 15 months I spent working at PULSE Institute prompts a myriad of thoughts and feelings.  Like the PULSE frame that is the core of the company’s programs and work, my thoughts span the different time zones of the past, present and future.   I appreciate the opportunities, learnings and experiences it provided me.  It represented the chance to grow as a person on all levels – mind, body, emotion and spirit – in additon to meet and spend time with many amazing people.

What I know for sure is PULSE is a reflection of Nancy Love - her openness, intellect, creativity and gifted ability for making the complex simple and enabling others.  I learned so much about myself and the business of human development.    It afforded me the opportunity to to act upon my knowledge and thinking, thereby building and more fully integrating reflective-action capabilities.   During and after, the journey uncovered past events, provoking learning about what is important to me in the present.  These lessons form the basis of my criteria for being committed to do what it takes to get what I want in my life.   

Overall, my time with PULSE and the transition away from it mirrors the many dichotomies faced in life.   The dreams versus reality; hopes and fears, uplifting successses and painful disappointments.   Regardless, the experience stretched and taught me valuable lessons in preparation for what’s next.   The courage and confidence to take the leap of faith to transition onto a new path.  One enriched with new discoveries, learnings and contributions to others in whatever feasible and doable way can.   With me I have new knowledge, skills and tools for gentle, honest, open, specific talk in the art and science of conversation.   Change the words, change the world.

  Terry Tudor said this on May 30, 2008 at 5:04 pm

Life Passages: Bearing Witness to the Divine

It is good to know that our actions can have the unintended impact of positively inspiring others.  A friend recently sent me a note saying she was inspired by how I was embracing life by jumping into a huge change – relocating for an ideal job in Edmonton where I grew up and can be close to family.  It prompted her to realize she has “SO many options” that she feels “a little overwhelmed”.   While she has no restrictions, other than fear, deciding what do to and where to go is difficult.

I, you, we – every person alive has many, many options in and for their life.  What holds everyone back is fear of the unknown.  It is normal human behaviour to want to know the answer in advance.  To know what is the right/best decision and course of action for them.   Like most people, I too have led my life wanting to know this and know how it feels to be overwhelmed by it.  I have so been there and done that.  Especially of late with having only 6 weeks between being accepting and starting the job to:

• find a place to live – ideally purchasing something nice that I can settle into and call home,
• sell the lovely house my husband and I built and called home since 1992,
• arrange moving and the multitude of details that go along with relocating,
• declutter and downsize and have a garage sale,
• move forward with the undesired but sadly necessary dissolution of my 20 years marriage 
• deal with the return of my mother’s melanoma, and
• feel and move through the various mixed emotions intertwined with it all. 

Yikes, I look over this list and wonder how I did it – go figure as to why I have been feeling pretty tired of late.  Thinking more about  it, even I am in awe as to how I have moved through it all and arrive to a place of acceptance and even sense of enthusiasm about the next phase of my life.    As I reflect on it, I have an insight that is about choice and faith.  While I have been having lessons about choice and faith throughout my life, I have come to know they were only preparing me for the biggest and most challenging lesson so far.  The unfortunate demise of the my most significant relationship in my life – the unwilling separation with a wonderful and loving person, my husband of 20 years.  With this I came to a place I never expected to be – a single/divorced 50 year old woman. 

Sometimes the pain and aloneness of this unexpected and unwelcomed reality was almost unbearable.   With the pain, are the other phases and emotions of grieving – anger, resentment, denial, bargaining, and yes finally sweet acceptance.  And it is through this incredible journey of pain and enlightenment, is where I came to learn that living life and moving through all the changes that come with it is truly about choice and faith.  Choosing to open oneself up to seeing, grieving, accepting and even loving what is.  Faith, serenity and courage to surrender being shown and acting on what comes next.  To surrender to ‘if its suppose to be, it will be’ and all that is necessary to make it be will be granted. 

With more reflection, I realize it was June 09 where I made a key shift in my thinking.  This was prior to knowing anything about the job opportunity in Edmonton that would set subsequent events into motion.  Rather than praying for happiness, I chose to surrender to the divine – God, the universe, a higher power – praying to show me the path I am to follow for my life.  With this I prayed to grant me the serenity to accept and love what is and the courage to follow trusting that all will be well.  I chose to believe and trust in ‘if its suppose to be, it will be”. 

Shortly after this, the path was revealed beginning with the ideal job for me given my experience, knowledge and skills.  Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to stay really present in the moment and act releasing expectations and outcomes.  When I started to feel fearful and go to that place of anxious worrying about it all, I consciously reverted to what was becoming my mantra – “if it’s suppose to be, it will be.” I chose to surrender to this serene yet strong inner sense of knowing that everything that I need to support the path I am meant to follow will be revealed and work out.   

It’s actually very difficult to describe the feeling and this uncanny sense of knowing.  It is quite surreal, yet serene.  Innately and intuitively I knew I would find the ideal condo that met my criteria in the right location at the right price  to purchase the day I set out to do it.  And it came to pass with finalizing the purchase 10 hours after beginning the hunt.  With selling our house 1 week later, again I wasn’t surprised when we had recieve multiple offers the 1 day planned for an open house 3 days after being listed resulting in it being offically sold for more than it was listed by the same evening.  I didn’t know how or why or what it would look like in advance of these events nor did I question my knowing.  I simply knew and went with it.  I have never had an experience, feelings and sense of knowing like this before.  It is as if since first praying for and surrendering to what is suppose to be, I have truly borne witness to the divine playing big in my life . 

Even now as I write this, I find the words flowing out through my fingers without much thought.  It is as though I am a channel meant to record the events.  For what purpose?   Perhaps it is merely about my learning and remembering to have faith and choose wisely each and everyday.  Maybe its about passing the message of the power of faith and choice to others.   I don’t know.  Nor do I need to know.  I am just going to ‘let go’ and be with it.  I choose to have faith that its purpose will – or will not - be revealed…. if it is suppose to be.

Make peace not pain…

The Peace Method™ by Auroa Winter is easy to learn, easy to remember, and easy to use.   After life delivered Auroa Winter lemons, she found the strength and courage to find the gift of making lemonade.   It is a simple five step process that if committed to practicing can help you can through pain to peace. You can use it as a structure for keeping your journal, or steps to walk through when you are feeling stressed, angry, or upset.   The Peace Method™ is:

P = Present Moment
E = Express Feelings
A = Accept the Situation
C = Consider the Contrary
E = Enthusiasm

Read  Auroa Winter’s article  The Peace Method™  found for free on her website and start using today to help release and move away from what whatever may be causing you grief.